my current thing-to-watch

hello everyone~ how r you my one and only lovely blog?
this is just some random thoughts i have tonight while enjoying my time alone at home upstairs.
i've been watching Grey's Anatomy for a couple months now and i think this serial become one of my favorite drama.
people said that this drama can makes you miserable and sad and mellow and so on. i can't not agree with that, though. but actually i only cried once when i watching this. but i indeed feel miserable and the anxious and pessimist :( lol.
i haven't write anything here yet about my last relationship, my broke-up. i don't plan to, tbh.
but long story short it was my first heartbreak, everyone, MY VERY FIRST HEARTBREAK, I'M HURT.
no, i mean it. i've been hurt. so bad. it hurts. so deep.
and that's it. i can only tell you that.
since i told you abt watching Grey's, here's some quotes i really love and getting touch from that drama. lol
here you go~

"in fact, the only thing i can truly promise is i'll probably hurt you again. oh, and you'll hurt me. and i'll come right back to you again when you do.
i'll accept the risk. because you are worth it, because you matter to me. because i love you, and i'm not going anywhere"
- dr. Richard Webber (when propose to dr. Catherine Avery)

"we got more than just one thing to love. and one day, something will click. and you'll know you found it."
- dr. Calliope Torres (when fix a kid's leg)

it sounds so cheesy and fluffy? no it's not. it sounds true and sincere to me.
hahaha pardon this just-had-a-heartbreak-girl.

what an awkward time

do you ever been in a situation when everything feels wrong? even breathing, feels wrong. no matter what you do. being in there, being you, feels wrong.
well, that is exactly what i am feeling right now. and it's threatening me.
i don't know if it's just me but seriously i never like people try to make things up to me. like when they've done something that they thought isn't quite right, and they wanted as hard as possible to make things up. to keep things back in place. just so they don't feel the guilt of doing that thing in the first place.
you got what i mean?
i never like that. ever.
i'm always like "okay, everything is clear. let's just move on". because, you know if you already stitch a wound it is absolutely unnecessary to open it up again or trying to make another stitch. it'll only make it worse.

homesick that really is sick

i feel my lyf has been so unproductive since the last time i wrote here. being mahasiswa taun akhir that faces every rejection, pressure, competition, and many other cruel stuff, has really made me less confident and low on motivation.
i miss home. i miss my mom, dad, piky, chacha, i miss my room and the all of Bukittinggi's scents. but i can't go home.
well maybe i can, but i do not want to.
i started to think that i at least should bring a good news if i went home. maybe just a news that as simply as i already write my skripsi until bab number whatever. or maybe i finish my OJT and the report already.
i just feel this guilty feeling inside my chest about my responsibilities but i also had this damn so big laziness which is burden me from doing any progress. hffff if you understand what i mean.
i often ask to my self. where the hell is that dreams, that targets you always shout out and tell the world. where is them? don't you wanna run them?
oh my dear-lovely-self, let's work things out a.s.a.p let's do this, please?
it is only you in here. it is only you who'll be your own savior. remember how big your intention to leave this city immediately.
this post is just like a reminder to my self. i hope me will doing better. amen.

Mahasiswa Tahun Akhir

i oftenly thought that people who blabbed about the last year of college is overreacted and seek for attention.
now i think maybe they had some points.
here comes the 7th semester of my college life and i feel the ambience.
i only have 2 subject left in this semester which is makes me sit in class only in wednesday.
i literally have many free time because of that one day schedule out of 7 in a week. but the feeling is absolutely not as free as the freshman year or the 2nd year of college.
i can say i do nothing all day, but the pressure is real.
i think about many things. way more than i think before.
i panick at almost anything. my skripsi, my internship (which is not get any follow up yet from the company til now), my skripsi again, my responsibilities as the 1st child in my family, my skripsi again, how i will start my observation about my skripsi, when and how will i start to write my skripsi, and so on.
yep. this semester is basically about skripsi, pressure, and skripsi, and, skripsi again.

Ranting Kering

hai, sudah lama aku tak menulis tentangmu. tentang kisah kita yang tak bisa dimusnahkan pun dipertahankan.
bagaimana dinding yang bertuliskan namaku? sudahkah ia memudar? atau masihkah ia sama seperti saat aku mengukirnya di sebelahmu?
tidak ada yang pernah tahu perihal peranmu dalam ceritaku. tapi hatiku tak pernah sedetikpun meninggalkan kenangan aku dan kamu.
harusnya kita sudah berakhir sejak kita baru saja memulai, harusnya.
tapi harus yang aku dan kamu punya bertentangan dengan seisi dunia.
aku ingin menyapamu sejenak kali ini.
hanya mengajakmu saling melempar senyum kemudian duduk berdua dalam diam. dengan kepalaku di pundakmu, dan tanganku di dalam saku baju tebalmu.
kita selalu bilang sama-sama saling merelakan.
tapi yang kemudian kembali dan mengenang lagi selalu lagi-lagi kamu dan aku.
bagaimana kabarmu?
bagaimana kabarmu?
tidak, bagaimana kabarmu?
aku bukan butuh baik-baik saja.

Bukittinggi, 17 Agustus 2016
5.41 pm
aku cuma rindu. itu saja.

Belum Tau

"grow up they said, it'll be great they said"

sebagai manusia normal, gue juga ngerasain kepengen buru-buru tumbuh, berkembang, besar, dewasa. sekarang gue sedang menghitung hari menuju 'kepala dua' kalo kata orang Indonesia, 6 hari lagi umur gue 20 tahun.
the perks of being twenty? bukan. gue bukan mau ngebahas itu. tulisan kali ini sepertinya murni curahan hati gue soal gue. tentangku, kalo kata label blognya.
jadi dewasa ternyata bener-bener ga seenak dan seseru yang gue impikan dan orang-orang bilang.
ternyata, seiring dengan kita tumbuh, seluruh hal di semesta ini ikut tumbuh tanpa terkecuali, masalah juga ikut tumbuh, and that's what matter now.
kalo kata salah seorang filusuf favorit gue, 'semakin kita tau, semakin kita tidak tau'. ini bener banget. why?
semakin kalian paham dengan situasi, kondisi, lingkungan, orang-orang di dalamnya, semakin banyak kalian bakal bertanya dan bertanya. well, kalo kalian engga, at least itu yang gue rasain.
semakin kalian mengerti, merasakan, ikut melakoni, semakin kalian bakal berontak, banyak hal yang menurut kalian ga sesuai. ga sesuai emang relatif, tapi dari pemikiran kalian pada saat itu, berdasarkan keseluruhan pengetahuan dan pengalaman yang kalian miliki pada saat itu, things often feels wrong.
mungkin gue menggunakan kata kalian sebagai manipulasi perasaan gue sendiri yang terlalu gengsi buat mengakui.
saat kalian bagian dari lingkungan, kalian bagian dari sebuah masyarakat, kalian bagian dari sebuah keluarga, kalian punya sesuatu yang namanya attachment, ikatan.
sebagai orang yang punya akal, kalian tentu aja bisa membandingkan hal, bisa menilai, bisa menentukan pilihan.
saat kalian mulai dewasa, pilihan-pilihan itu bertambah banyak yang entah datangnya dari mana, ikatan-ikatan itupun berbanding lurus.
saat kalian bicara tentang pilihan dan ikatan, kalian bicara tentang tekanan dan pengorbanan. kalian bicara tentang tanggung jawab. kalian bicara tentang how things suppossed to work. kalian bicara tentang masa depan.
saat kalian tau, kalian pasti mengenal protes, kalian pasti mengenal kritik. saat kalian lakukan yang namanya protes, kritik, saran, bantahan, kalian dapet yang namanya konflik, kesal, marah, dendam, kecewa, sedih.
ternyata, semakin kalian disebut dewasa, semakin kalian bakal ngerasain segalanya lebih banyak dari biasanya.
ternyata saat kalian pun akhirnya sadar kalian dewasa dan berhak ikut, berhak diperhitungkan, berhak memilih, berhak mengiyakan dan menidakkan, kalian kemudian paham rasanya sakit dan bahagia.
saat kalian ga terima, kalian ga mungkin diem aja. karena kalian sudah paham, sudah mengerti, sudah tau rasanya. tapi kemudian ada hal-hal yang harus kalian terima mau tidak mau, tanpa peduli sakit atau bahagia. atau mungkin saja sesak.
ada hal-hal yang kemudian akan tetap kalian pertanyakan karena jawabannya ternyata butuh jalan panjang.
ada hal-hal yang terasa sakit, terima atau tidak, harus kalian jalani.
ada hal-hal yang terasa tidak adil, tapi adil bagi selain dari kalian.
semoga saja gue bisa tetap sembuh meski sudah luka berkali-kali.

Parent Knows Best

hiiiiiiiii bloggaaa!
soooo. i've been missing to write so much since these 2 months really hectic and a non-stop-blue-feeling-swing-mood-everyday.
today actually is one of the day that i feel that. i'm so drown in blue and badmood from the early morning 'til maybe a couple of minutes ago.
it is already 1 month i'm not go home -to Bukittinggi, and of course i miss home like a lot. but i had many college activities in here just like i said before and i have 1 'undercover' thing to do.
why undercover? because nobody know it. well not literally nobody because i told my younger sister and a couple of friend in here, but yea just say that. i love the term undercover 😂
in the beginning of April, i applied to be an announcer for one of radio in Padang. it took almost 3 weeks for the radio to follow me up. i'm waiting with so much doubt and impatient feeling because this is my 1st time.
it's not that i don't believe my own capability - i do, so much, i knew i have a potential in this. but it's the nervous-waiting-moment when you want something so much and wait so long with a thought that going every where through all the possibilities, i think. i hope you got that 😂 i sometimes express my feelings with complicated words, just to be a li'l bit dramatic, lol.
sooo, i do the vocal test, the writing test, the interview, and finalyyyyy, i got a message this morning told that i can be a part of their team, as an announcer! (yeeayy?)
in every radio in this city, there is a training before you officially become an announcer, and the training in this radio i applied is about 2-3 weeks every night (after 7 pm, yes), and it will started tomorrow, in Monday.
you know, since my very 1st day in this city i always use public transportation because i don't bring my own vehicle. the radio is about 1,5 hour from my rent house :') yup. true.
since i already done my job, my undercover mission, i told my parents 'bout this. also my younger brother. they are so happy of course in the 1st place, but not until i told them the detail like night training, no vehicle, don't know ho to go, plan to borrow somobody's motorcycle, probably if the training is about 2-3 hours i'll be arrived in my rent house at 11 pm everyday, and, so on.
what my parents say? yea, of course a big no :(
they said it will dangerous for me, too risky, no guarantee, bad bargain, no choice, and many logical reason that they thought is the best for me.
i have to leave it behind. bye bye radio.
idk. because i already spent so much of my efforts in this, i feel so upset and sad and down, i really am in doubt right now. like idk yet what is the right thing to do. i cry a lot today. but you know, i always believe my parents permission, is everything when i have any activity to do.
writing here honestly makes me feel better even just a bit. oh how i love to write :')
but, i still can't get enough all of this. maybe not yet today. lemme cry again. thanks for reading. bye.

Chill

Sometimes, you will feel pissed off by someone or somebody.
Sometimes you feel like nobody is want you, even no one is need your existence,
sometimes you will think that many situation has made by your act and it is feel so bad,
sometimes you immediately hate some people because you feel they underestimate your gut,
sometimes you feel like too many people is put their bussiness on yours,
sometimes you feel like you are about to explode,
sometimes you feel like dissapear from world is the best idea ever,
sometimes you think people is bad, or worse, you are the bad, you are the mistake that inconvinient other people.
There is one thing that you should completely deeply carefully realize is that, this world is just a temporary shelter.
You will not own this forever and this is not yours at all.
This is not your decision neither destiny.
Again, too many feeling involve oftenly causes many problem than it is suppose to.
Many feelings especially pain, actually is a sign of maturity and well experiences human.
Keep the principal set, keep the positive thought all along the way, keep trust on Him.
So breath deeply, live wisely, and smile.
Everything is never as important as happiness :)

Look, this simple words of mine successfully made my brain fresher than before. Thank God i love to write yoohoo~

Hukum Etika Pers: Analisis Pelanggaran Etika Pers dalam Film "Mad City"

Mad City adalah film bergenre komedi pada tahun 1997. Film ini bercerita tentang seorang wartawan televisi yang mencari berita di sebuah museum sejarah alam. Berita yang didapatkan oleh wartawan tersebut dinilai membosankan dan tidak menarik karena membahas mengenai defisit anggaran museum sehingga museum tersebut harus memecat beberapa karyawan.

Setelah mewawancarai salah seorang petinggi yang bekerja di museum, wartawan tersebut yang bernama Max, mendapati dirinya mengintip percakapan antara Sam, salah seorang karyawan museum yang sudah dipecat dengan Mrs. Banks, orang yang tadi ia wawancarai. Sam diusir oleh Mrs. Banks yang tidak ingin berbicara lagi dengannya. Sam yang masih ingin berbicara dan meminta kembali dipekerjakan ternyata membawa senapan. Mrs. Banks tidak percaya karena selama ini mengenal Sam adalah orang yang bai, namun Sam tidak sengaja menembakkan senapannya dan mengenai salah seorang temannya yang juga pekerja museum tersebut.

Sang wartawan televisi Max melihat kesempatan tersebut sebagai kesempatan yang bagus baginya untuk mendapatkan berita. Dengan memanfaatkan Sam yang baik hati dan polos, Max membuat sebuah kasus penyanderaan di museum tersebut dan mendramatisir keadaan dengan mempengaruhi Sam untuk meminta banyak hal seperti uang dan sebagainya. Sementara yang diinginkan Sam hanyalah agar ia mendapatkan pekerjaannya kembali karena ia ingin membahagiakan istri dan dua orang anaknya.

Cerita ini berakhir dengan meninggalnya Sam, mantan pegawai museum yang meminta kembali pekerjaan, dengan cara bunuh diri di dalam museum menggunakan granat. Di akhir cerita Max mengeluarkan sebuah kalimat yang mengatakan bahwa medialah yang sebenarnya membunuh Sam.

Terdapat banyak contoh pelanggaran etika pers yang terjadi dalam film Mad City. Di antaranya adalah pertama adanya responden yang dibayar palsu yang mengaku di hadapan media sebagai teman dekat Sam, pada saat kasus penyanderaan di museum mencuat. Padahal faktanya Sam sama sekali tidak mengenal orang tersebut yang mengaku sebagai teman dekatnya dan mengenal dirinya. Orang tersebut dibayar untuk bersaksi di depan media dan membentuk opini publik yang saat itu menganggap Sam adalah orang yang baik, berbalik menjadi Sam adalah orang yang tega dan kasar.

Kedua, etika privasi narasumber yang dilanggar di mana Cliff, teman Sam yang bekerja di museum yang sama yang secara tidak sengaja terkena tembakan senapan Sam diliput secara sembunyi-sembunyi  saat sedang dirawat di rumah sakit. Media mengambil gambar Cliff tanpa diketahui oleh pasien lewat jendela dan tidak meminta ijin kepada pasien terlebih dahulu.

Ketiga, media kemudian melakukan sebuah penawaran kepada Cliff yang masih terbaring sebagai pasien di rumah sakit untuk mau diwawancarai dengan diberikan sejumlah uang oleh media. Keempat,  pengambilan sudut berita yang menyesatkan publik. Dalam film ini media membelokkan berita ke hal-hal yang tidak benar dan tidak berkaitan dengan permasalahan Sam dan museum, tapi malah hal-hal lainnya. Seperti penggelapan dana pensiun di salah satu bank, dan politisasi dengan kasus-kasus lain yang sedang berkembang saat itu dalam film tersebut.

Kelima, terjadinya persaingan antar media dan antar reporter setelah kemudian berita ini mencuat menjadi berita internasional. Kevin, seorang reporter saingan Max dari media lain yang mendapatkan tekanan dan berkeinginan menaikkan rating kemudian mengambil rekaman jejak pendapat masyarakat mengenai Sam dan mengeditnya sehingga voting terhadap Sam menjadi berbalik arah dari menganggap Sam sebagai orang yang baik menjadi sebaliknya sehingga voting berbalik arah dan kembali mengacaukan dan mengubah opini masyarakat.

Keenam, persaingan antar media akhirnya menjadi sangat ketat dan pemberitaan menjadi tak lagi memperhatikan asas praduga tak bersalah, tidak memikirkan dan melaksanakan prinsip penyajian yang adil, jujur, dan berimbang. Hal yang paling jelas dalam film ini adalah tidak dipergunakan dan tidak diperhitungkannya lagi hati nurani dalam setiap pembuatan berita mengenai Sam dan keluarganya.