Bukittinggi, 23 Juli 2015, 2.54 AM

aku selalu berpikir melupakan adalah hal yang tidak pernah sebegitu sulitnya. aku selalu menertawakan mereka yang menganggap cinta adalah sesuatu yang mesti ditangisi dan dibiarkan berlarut-larut saat pergi. aku menangis lagi. dua kali dalam hari ini. dua puluh tiga juli. dua kali dari awal pagi hingga detik ini, hampir pukul tiga. tapi rasanya berbeda. sedikitpun belum terasa lega. ada yang menggelitikku membuka kembali pesanmu, memandang kembali gambarmu. sampai kapan aku harus serindu ini tiap mengenangmu? rasanya aku sudah bosan. bukankah tiga tahun sudah terlalu lama bagi lupa untuk berusaha? dan tidakkah tiga tahun tanpa jumpa dan berita membuat cinta beranjak sirna? toh ternyata tidak. aku masih di sini. sama seperti hari-hari saat kamu juga masih di sini. sama seperti hari-hari saat tawa renyahku bergema karena gurauanmu di telepon. sama seperti saat bibirku berkerut menyimpan kekesalan saat tak ada kabar pesan singkat darimu yang sedang jauh di sana. sama seperti saat ada kontraksi di antara bagian perut dan dadaku saat tahu sebentar lagi kamu akan sampai di depan teras rumah. sama seperti tangisku yang pecah di pangkuan Bunda saat kamu pergi. kamarku lagi-lagi masih jadi saksi. kapan aku bisa bilang kalau aku tidak ingin begini? apa kamu rindu sendiri, seperti ini? apa kamu berhasil berdiri, tanpa rindu dan ingatan masa kita lagi?
aku kangen, Man. kamu apa kabar?

Too Kind = Stupidity ?

sooo, here i am. just arrived 'bout one hour ago in my home sweety home, Kabun Pulasan, Bukittinggi.
i'm now sit on my bed feel a bit down, confuse, and so wrong.

i just got a middle long advices and protocol from my parents.
so i'm now work in a team, which directly support someone in his job. he's an important person with many opportunity, authority, popularity, and of courseee, whealth :)
i'm the first person that he asked when he intended to make a team, so i choose all the member, despite of personal matter, i choose them because i know they have ability that this man needs.

well, because i'm on the holiday time now, i admit that i rarely doing every task of this team, but doesn't that i'm not work at all.
couple days a go he ask me to do some matter and i said honestly that i couldn't make it and suggest my team mate to him. he then call my team mate, my team mate do the task, i'm absolutely doing nothing.

i tell my parents about this. they feel a bit angry and upset. they say that i'm lose my chance to be a good member for him, to show that i'm better than anyone in my team. my parents tell me that i did these kind of things too often.
i lose every chance and opportunity way too many times which is makes me look worse in other peoples sight and gets others better than me.

i'm feeling down. idk why. maybe i'm just too overthink? or what? i feel bad for my self. i'm sad now :(
but in other way, really i want to change and be better and i want my self to have the best image i could ever get to him, because i know that my parents right, he trust me, i made him upset :(