homesick that really is sick

i feel my lyf has been so unproductive since the last time i wrote here. being mahasiswa taun akhir that faces every rejection, pressure, competition, and many other cruel stuff, has really made me less confident and low on motivation.
i miss home. i miss my mom, dad, piky, chacha, i miss my room and the all of Bukittinggi's scents. but i can't go home.
well maybe i can, but i do not want to.
i started to think that i at least should bring a good news if i went home. maybe just a news that as simply as i already write my skripsi until bab number whatever. or maybe i finish my OJT and the report already.
i just feel this guilty feeling inside my chest about my responsibilities but i also had this damn so big laziness which is burden me from doing any progress. hffff if you understand what i mean.
i often ask to my self. where the hell is that dreams, that targets you always shout out and tell the world. where is them? don't you wanna run them?
oh my dear-lovely-self, let's work things out a.s.a.p let's do this, please?
it is only you in here. it is only you who'll be your own savior. remember how big your intention to leave this city immediately.
this post is just like a reminder to my self. i hope me will doing better. amen.